I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of garbage. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.
General Discussion
Joke of the day
Displaying 1 to 15 of 7,582 posts
A beautiful blond was going door to door offering "handyman" services.
One man who she called on decided to give her a chance, thinking maybe she wasn't the typical "dumb blond".
"I need my porch painted, can you do that?"
"Sure, just provide the paint" she replied.
The man gave her one gallon of white paint.
"Hope that'll be enough, I'll pay you when you're done".
After finishing she told the man what he owed her.
"And by the way" she added..."it's a Lexus, not a Porch".
One man who she called on decided to give her a chance, thinking maybe she wasn't the typical "dumb blond".
"I need my porch painted, can you do that?"
"Sure, just provide the paint" she replied.
The man gave her one gallon of white paint.
"Hope that'll be enough, I'll pay you when you're done".
After finishing she told the man what he owed her.
"And by the way" she added..."it's a Lexus, not a Porch".
"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, a man-bun, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “
Displaying 1 to 15 of 7,582 posts
